Laptop Update.

The last time you left your hero (Me), I had just uncovered a nefarious plot to heist my laptop. I had caught it just in time and the laptop was on its way back to me and the douche bag that tried to steal it was about to get a nasty email. For your entertainment I will present to you the correspondence with said douche bag, enjoy.

This is what I sent to douche bag Tuesday February 3rd 2009:

Do you like laptops?

How do you NOT like having my laptop?

Douche bag!

This was Douche bag's reply on February 4th 2009:

I am sorry for reply you so late ....i like the laptop ...get back to me with your pay pal email address

WTF?! Did he even read my email? I just called him a douche bag and made fun of him for not having my laptop and that is his response? He is sorry and he likes the laptop?! What laptop? He never got it! and he wants my PayPal email for the 4th time. How did I not see through this to begin with?

My response to his very convoluted and vague response on February 4th 2009:

You are an idiot. Did you NOT read my last email? You NEVER got my laptop moron! I figured out your scam in time and had the delivery stopped and sent back to me. Amazing that you are this dumb and can still manage to scam people! Please enjoy the picture asshole!

Some how this guy is still not getting it, because this was his reply back February 5th 2009:

WHY THIS FROM YOU ? I HAVE MADE THE PAYMENT,WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOU THERE ..LET ME KNOW IF YOU'RE SEND IT ALSO LET ME KNOW IF YOU'RE GOT YOPUR MONEY .....GET TO ME BACK NOW

It is amazing, his English gets worse with each email! It is like he is having a stroke over the course of several emails. My favorite part of that email was the "GET TO ME BACK NOW." I mean the whole email is funny, but the broken English demand was the best. It was like a mix of Yoda and Jar Jar Binks making a demand!

So here is my final response to douche bag. This was the killing shot, the final stake in the heart, the final nail in the coffin, or I suppose since I have not hear back from him! Sent February 5th 2009:

Why this from me? English not your first language there pally? Well I will tell you what is going on with me here, I called PayPal when I did NOT get your money and they said that the email I got from "PayPal" was fraudulent. imagine that. By the way, if I were you I would cut this shit out, we have notified the police and they are looking for your ass. Better yet let me put this in a way you MIGHT be able to understand....

YOU A DUMBASS
YOU DID BAD THING
YOU NO GET LAPTOP
POLICE COMING TO YOU
YOU GET RAPED IN PRISON

I tried to keep the words simple and talk backwards like you seem to like to do, hope this helps, bitch.

GET TO ME BACK NOW!

I think that really got through to him. I think the simple backwards talking and the all capital letters helped. Well, I say good riddance and congratulations again to Team Herron on the victory. It was hard frantic work by all involved, but it was worth it for the big win.

This might even be better than any victory over the garbage men!