Friday, October 3, 2008

What to look for this weekend....

There are several intriguing things to look forward to this weekend even if you are a Bengals fan. I know that the Bengals have to go out and play the Cowboys, easily one of the best teams in the NFC, but do not despair Bengals fans, instead look at these story lines.

  1. Chris Henry vs. Adam "The delinquent formally known as Pacman" Jones. I was going to save this for my last bullet point, but I am so excited that I had to talk about it right away. This might be the battle to end all battles! Will there be guns? Shivs? Will one or the other convince his "homies" to ambush the other one in the showers after the game? Who really knows? What I do know is that the anticipation is killing me. Also, be on the look out in the news for prison riots. I think that the crips and the bloods are a thing of the past, I think that the future of gangs are the Henry's and the Jones'. Like something out of "West Side Story!" Requirements for being in the Henry gang are; Wearing a Chris Henry jersey while firing a gun in the air, serving alcohol to minors, throwing beer bottles at valets and having pot on you at all times. To be in the Jones gang is easier and more fun, you just have to do it allot more often. You have to go to night clubs and violate all kinds of women in all kinds of different ways, and carry pot on you at all times as well. I can see it now, Chris Henry is going to score a touchdown after Pacman blows coverage(and a .8 on the breathalyzer) and there will be an "incident" in prison yards every where between the rival gangs. This game will start Armageddon.

  2. Drinking games. Want to get wasted? Here are a few ways to do that quickly during this game. Do a shot every time the Bengals give up a sack(N/A if Fitzpatrick is the quarterback), do a shot every time the Cowboys score, do a shot every time the Bengals punt, Do a shot every time Chad or T.O. throw a fit after gator arming a ball thrown to them, do a shot every time Marvin Lewis mis-manages the clock. If you just choose one category you will get blasted, try for a hat trick and you will be in a coma, try to be an iron man and do a cover all of the categories and you will die, plain and simple.

  3. Cedric Benson vs. Chris Perry. A battle of futility. First of all the line won't block for either back unless they bribe them. Hell the same group of guys let their quarterback, their leader, get a broken nose and a banged up elbow and haven't flinched. Secondly neither one of these backs are as good as they were in college. Perry is coming off like 20 seasons of being injured and Benson hasn't played since being cut by the Bears. They should change the term of Mr. irrelevant to who ever is toting the rock for the Bengals.

  4. Marvin Lewis gets canned watch. There is still not much talk about Marvin being in the hot seat, but if the 'Boys are up by 50 at half time let the hand ringing begin!

  5. If you are into the Bible, this is very depictive of David vs. Goliath. Goliath being Jerry Jones, clearly part of the HAVES in the NFL. He has money and spends it, he is in one of the bigger markets for the NFL and is the owner of America's team. Mike Brown is a have not, he has no football sense, no inclination to spend money, no commitment to make his team any better, and he is in a small market. Sadly this will not quite end the way it does in the bible. Goliath will CRUSH David and still rule supreme.

So there you have it some reasons to watch the god-awful blood bath that will occur Sunday a 1:00 pm. Enjoy and look for my post game notes!

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