Thursday, January 29, 2009

Dear scam artist,

So, as of today it is official that with the combined efforts of Jesy, Rick, Karen, Pam, Ms. Garcia, Joe and myself, or Team Herron for short. We have defeated the scam artist known as Timothy Oludare, or Greg James in a battle over my laptop.

It all started a week ago when I decided to sell my laptop on in order to fund upgrading my home desktop PC. I have a work issued laptop, so having one of my own did not really make sense.

I posted it and got a hit from Douche bag (Timothy/Greg.) We emailed back and forth a few times and everything seemed legit. he said that he would pay me through PayPal, which was fine since I had used PayPal before.

I received an email from what I thought was PayPal and it told me that the money was sent and PayPal was holding it until they got a tracking number, which seemed totally legit and made sense to me. I shipped it out and got a tracking number and emailed it to PayPal per the instructions.

After 24 hours I had not received a confirmation, nor had I received my money. I was growing concerned and Jesy decided to call her Aunt Karen who does a lot of business with EBay and PayPal. She said that she had never received an email like that and it sounded weird and was very helpful in telling us how to get a hold of PayPal.

We called PayPal and they said that it was a fraudulent email and that they had never sent me or anyone else a communication like that before. At this point I felt like Douche bag had just kicked me in the balls all the way from New York.

**Side note. I am sure anyone reading this knows how much I already hate New York, and this just adds fuel to the fire. Of course this guy was from New York, that in and of itself should have set off every alarm I had. New York is just like a huge congregation of degenerates and assholes who have no consideration for anyone or anything ( Ann Mazuko and Joe Chambers excluded.) New York might be the only place worse than hell. As a matter of fact I am not totally sold on the fact that when you die and if you go to hell that you do not, in fact, go to New York. The Mayor is clearly Satan, I mean where else on Earth do you hear debauchery and not think immediately New York? **

Sorry, back to the story. Jesy was now in go mode. She pushed me out of my computer chair and took over. She was on three computers and two phones and was taking notes and giving me sign language that I did not understand. It was like she was an air traffic controller on crack. It was an amazing symphony of chaos that only she could understand and I just sat back in amazement. By the time she was finished we had a list of like 50 numbers and people to contact first thing this morning to try and get my package back.

Something that I should note. In the circus of phone calls and Internet tracking we did discover that USPS had tried to deliver the package, but that Douche bag was not "home" and that he was to now come pick it up.

**Side note 2. Critical mistake Douche bag, do not leave Team Herron an opening like that. With your laziness/ineptitude you gave us all the window we needed!**

At this point Rick, Jesy and I had done all we could do since it was 9:00 PM on a Wednesday night. Jesy and I dived up the phone numbers and prepared for battle the next morning.

Thursday rolls around and Jesy and I wake up and shower (no not together, the is PG-13, pervs) eat a hearty meal throw on some armor and prepare for our biggest test, dealing with the United States Post Office. If previous experience had taught me anything this was going to be like dealing with a beached whale, or here, just no easy way to go about it. But to my surprise Pam, the consumer affairs officer in Cincinnati and Ms. Garcia at the Bronx post office were not only pleasant, but surprisingly helpful. By simply filling out one form, that Pam helped me with I was able to fax it over to Ms. Garcia and she went and grabbed the package and said it would be on it's way back to us! The confirmation on came around noon!

So, should have been suspicious anyway, but lesson learned and will be 100 times more cautious in the future for sure. In closing I would like to share with you an email that I am preparing to send to 'ol Douche bag.

Dear Douche bag,

Do you like laptops?
How do you like NOT having my laptop?
You Douche bag!

Unfriendly Yours,


Skinny Bitch said...

freaking hilarious!!

monkeetrouble said...

I think you should send the letter just as you wrote it! Hilarious!

George Herron said...

I might!

Neil said...

Do it! Then if you get a email back from douchebag, post it! It'll add to the hilarity! Very nicely done defeating this prick!

ColeImperi said...

OMG. That is a great story. Props on marrying Jesy. She totally saved your ass.

Cleveland Andy said...

now that you have his address, you should sign him up for every piece of junk mail you can think of. it may take a few hours but vengeance will be yours. let me know i will help.

Divine said...

I googled his name Timothy Oludare becasue he was trying to buy things from me from craigs list but it didnt sound right I beleive this is the same guy...Thank You for the Douche Bag alert