Thursday, September 11, 2008

Epic Battle.

Like Kramer and the cable guy, Jesy and I also have a rival that we battle with almost on a weekly basis. RUMPKE. We have been in our house for over three years and have had many a battle with Rumpke, some we have won some they have won, but the latest battle has gone as a victory for Rumpke.

Victories for us

  1. In re-doing the basement there was obviously allot of garbage that we had to throw out. There was dry wall and brackets and busted wood, all of which is common in home renovation projects. The problem is that when were were throwing away said materials it never occurred to me that even though I could lift the garbage up my stairs and out to my curb, that the garbage men could not lift it from the curb into their truck two feet away. I had no idea Estelle Getty and Betty White were our garbage collectors! The best part was when Jesy went out and chased them down the street carrying the garbage bag that they "could not lift." I know that screams hillbilly, chasing down the garbage men and all, but seriously, they can't lift something that my wife can?! The end result was that we called Rumpke and it was picked up the next day. George and Jesy win.

  2. Next on the list of victories was the carpet scandal. Again dealing with the basement, we were finishing the project with new carpet. Going from carpet that looked like the color of bloody stool, to a nice almost beige color that hides the hair from my crazy dog. In making the switch we made sure that the installers cut up the old carpet and padding into small sections and roll it tight to make sure that our finicky garbage men would actually take it. It literally sat out on the curb for three weeks before Rumpke finally took it. It was a typical stand off, much like the fabled O.K. Corral, it was just a matter of who blinked first and they did. In all seriousness though there was no reason that they should not have taken it. The only thing I can think of is the day they came it rained and I don't think they wanted to take the time to load it in the rain!

  3. The goose body. After our former shed almost blew away in the high wind storm of '07, we had to tear down what was left. Part of the shed decor was two cement geese that "guarded" it, but not from high winds apparently. In any case we took an ax to them and broke them up the best we could and scattered them between two different garbage cans, again knowing the extreme wussiness of our garbage men. On garbage day we noticed that one of the cans was not touched. WTF? I go out and look and it is the can that had a little bit larger of a piece of the goose in it, the whole body. So I had to dump out the garbage and pull the body out and then put all the garbage back in to separate the two. The next week they took the garbage, but not the body. For two weeks that body stayed out there until Rumpke finally broke down and hefted that 40 pound body into their truck. Again George and Jesy win.

The Loss

You will notice that loss was singular, because while it took a while, we have won every battle.....until today. It truly is a sad day. It is was like when Aaron Boone hit that damn home run for the Yankees. We thought we could never lose, we were untouchable, but today were were dealt a crushing blow. We have two "outside" garbage cans that I normally take down and the moron twins will just empty them and then haphazardly throw them where ever they like. Sometimes I wonder if it is not some weird game they play, find your garbage can down the street. In any case this week I took down the "inside" garbage can I keep in the laundry room. It was filled to the brim and I did not want to hassle with dumping it all in a bag, it might not have all fit anyway. So I figured that I would just take it out to the curb as well, the only challenge might be to find it three blocks away. Neh, instead the took it. That's right they loaded the whole freaking can into their truck. They can't take a 40 pound goose body, but they can justify taking a whole garbage can. Personally I think it was revenge. I think they felt that they needed a "W" and made it happen.

Touche garbage men, touche.

And the war continues.


Javelin Tiger said...

Fight on man, fight on!

No offense to garbage men the world over but. Do you really want a garbage man to beat you? Do you want him to have the last say? I think not!

So Fight on, and with that I'll leave you with one of the greatest motivational speeches ever when heading into a fight courtesy of Mr Shakespeare

"Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more; Or close the wall up with our English dead. In peace there's nothing so becomes a man As modest stillness and humility: But when the blast of war blows in our ears, Then imitate the action of the tiger; Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood, Disguise fair nature with hard-favour'd rage; Then lend the eye a terrible aspect; Let pry through the portage of the head Like the brass cannon; let the brow o'erwhelm it As fearfully as doth a galled rock
O'erhang and jutty his confounded base, Swill'd with the wild and wasteful ocean. Now set the teeth and stretch the nostril wide, Hold hard the breath and bend up every spirit To his full height. On, on, you noblest English. Whose blood is fet from fathers of war-proof! Fathers that, like so many Alexanders, Have in these parts from morn till even fought And sheathed their swords for lack of argument: Dishonour not your mothers; now attest That those whom you call'd fathers did beget you. Be copy now to men of grosser blood, And teach them how to war. And you, good yeoman, Whose limbs were made in England, show us here The mettle of your pasture; let us swear That you are worth your breeding; which I doubt not; For there is none of you so mean and base, That hath not noble lustre in your eyes. I see you stand like greyhounds in the slips, Straining upon the start. The game's afoot: Follow your spirit, and upon this charge Cry 'God for Harry, England, and Saint George!"

Jesy said...

Okay, that is another funny one babe! And ohhhhh sooo truuu! You failed to mention how I wanted you to stand on the front porch and intimidate the garbage men b/c they are both wussies and one in particular is a serious bony looking thing. I have to wonder why he chose this profession, I mean c'mon!! Amy and Kevin give their garbage men gift cards for christmas and I guess I might as well throw them both a $5.00 gift card to Micky D's or something along those lines. Oh well, we have way more "W's" than they do and that is all that counts!!!!

C.J. said...

You should leave them one of these next time and then the war would be truly over.

This would be your Sherman 'March to the sea', cutting a deep gash in the soul of sanitation workers everywhere.

Do it and I pick up Danny Graves for FREE!

George Herron said...

You are on. I will even take a picture of it for you.

Should it be paper or plastic?