Thursday, September 11, 2008

For the game....

It may be early in the season, but after last season and week ones debacle, it is time to have an affair. I will be dawning a Peyton Manning jersey on Sunday, which I normally reserve for Bengals bye weeks only. However, I want to wear 'ol Manning during the Bengals game this week just to see how it feels. Will it be awkward, will I feel guilty, will it, in some weird reverse psychology, make the Bengals try harder to get my love back? My prediction for answers are no, maybe and hell no. If this team can't rise up to protect their quarterback, they damn sure don't give a damn about me. If the owner seems fit to take back a guy that has more career arrests, Chris Henry, than touchdowns then defiantly not.

And don't worry all, my man crush on Palmer stands, but it is time to see other people. I need to feel that excitement that only a WINNING team and SUCCESSFUL franchise can bring. I need to know that the owner is not a complete moron and had the fans in mind. Bill Polian, the current President of the Colts, might be one of the best NFL presidents ever, he has success wherever he goes. I love listening to this guy during the scouting combine, he is smart, genuine and you can tell he knows what he is doing. Every team deserves a guy like that, instead we get the bastard child of the great Paul Brown. You know he is in heaven wishing he had a baby girl.

Please know that I am not giving up on the Bengals, that is very important to note. I am just going to root for another some what local team that has their shit together to see what it would be like. It is like a science experiment.

Side note.....

The world needs to know that in one case, maybe the only one ever documented, I was right and my brother was wrong. I have always been a Peyton Manning fan ever since he was at Tennessee, had HORRIBLE acne, and his forehead seemed even bigger than it is now. My brother however, always like Eli. Maybe it was because C.J., like Eli is the younger brother and so they shared a bond, who really knows. But while Eli was in college C.J. tried to tell me that Eli was going to be the better quarterback, I laughed and scoughed at this, but he stood firm. Did I just say stood firm? Gross. Anyway, I wanted to bring up this little tale because I have decided to rub in the fact that I am right and he is clearly wrong on this debate, I am going to buy him an Eli Manning jersey for Christmas this year. What I can not decide is to get him an 'Ol Miss jersey, or a Giants jersey. I am leaning towards a Giants jersey because I think he hates the Giants more, therefor funnier for me!

Please faithful readers help me make this very important decision!


Javelin Tiger said...

In the immortal words of Emmitt Smith; "Don't quit. Don't ever quit"!

Ok, here's the thing, everyone is allowed a second team to root for. In the MLB you're allowed one AL team and one NL team, but you still have to have your favorite, in this case for me, I'm a homer Reds first, then Tigers. It's is a distant second, that's a prerequisite, you're second team should never EVER compete in your heart with your first place team. If it does you might as well be a fair weather fan, go ahead join the bandwagon jackass!

In the NFL you're allowed 2 teams as well, but who the hell roots for anyone in the NFC, so in this case you're allowed 2 teams at random as long as they aren't in the same division.

With this, for me it's the Bengals (insert Bungles joke here) and the Patriots, (and insert random Brady's knee joke or anything villainous here).

While I do root for the Patriots, once again nothing ever competes for my love of the Bengals.

So here's the run down of qualifications for a secondary team, with specifics for the NFL...

As mentioned, they cannot compete with your love for team number 1. Number 1 must always be number 1, no question no waver or else you're not a true fan. Ask such jaded fans in Philly and Chicago, they don't run for the hills even though they're teams suck. You're not a true die hard fan if anything other than this is the case.

Number 2, as mentioned above, has to be a different division.

Number 3, even when your team is down you can't just slide to number 2 as a default. You have to still truly care about both teams and just because number 2 is doing better you suddenly switch allegiance. (This is more just further clarifying number 1, but screw it, it's number 3 here).

Number 4, your second team has to remain the same for a specific period of time, we'll arbitrarily make it 4 years. You have to actually like them and root for them for that time, you have a probation period of 2 years, if you still root for them after 2 years of liking them, you can officially announce to the world they are your second team, prior to that this must be kept to yourself or only amongst close friends so they can verify you've like them for 2 years. If after the 4 year time frame they just don't do it for you or the lust you once had for them wears off you're allowed to switch your second team. Once again note, team number 1 is never allowed to switch. The rules of the time frames for switching your number 2 team are in place as to avoid the bandwagon and fair weather fan tag as you could switch your second team to whomever is doing good from year to year otherwise.

If you follow these rules you are allowed to officially root for a second team, just don't make them your favorite.

If you do not follow the second team rules, you will officially be called a puss, a fair weather fan, a wagon jumper and other things to horrible to mention here.

So you decide, you can root for manning regardless, but will you do it the right way or the wrong way?

Note, if you do it the wrong way you have to change the name of your blog to indy sports spot and I'm loud and want to hump Manning also known as Will.

P.S. Yes this is the longest ass comment ever, so you might as well add it as an addendum to your column.

George Herron said...

You make a valid point. After much discussion with you I realize that I can not give up on the Bengals, I must instead pray that Mike Brown has to sell the team for whatever reason and we can finally have a good owner that knows what they are doing. i would never wish the man to die it a horrible accident, or have a dabilitating disease or anything....

But you are correct, I will stay true and just wait for new wonership or death, whichever comes first. I of course already know which that will be.

Of course there is always the option that the move to a different city like they threatened a few years ago, and then all bets are off.

Javelin Tiger said...

Oh, and because I never actually answered your question, here goes.

Giants, I know if you gave me a giants jersey I might actually physically throw up as you were handing it to me.

Plus, look at it this way, while at Ole Miss, CJ thought Eli had potential, the rest of us knew better, but CJ thought otherwise.

But while with the Giants, Eli has proven otherwise, so with a Giants jersey it's a constant reminder of what actually has happened and how pathetic Eli really is.

Jesy said...

Babe, I'm buying a Colts shirt online as we speak..... MAYBE the COLTS will send me my damn shirt!!! I've been waiting for my Bengal's shirt since JULY!!!!

C.J. said...

I can't tell you how much I am against the idea of Eli waiting under my tree. Either in person or jersey format.

Not withstanding the issue that you would have to work out the logistics of kidnapping an NFL quarterback and put him in my house. I really don't want it to happen...just so you know and weren't confused by my silence.

To expound the point I have written a haiku so you see the lengths I am prepared to go to so that you understand how much I loathe this idea.

Please - no Eli shirt;
not with Giants or Rebels.
Screw you all to hell.

George Herron said...

That is seriously the best Haiku I have ever read. You are still getting the jersey, but A for effort!

Neil said...

Dude! I got some Dallas jersys you can borrow! You can finally be one with Americ's Team!

George Herron said...

Mental note, Neil is to die.